What I don’t understand about working out are all these people who say that working out makes them feel better. After a workout they are more energized, awake, alert, and have a better outlook on the day. Would somebody explain to me that why, after I work out, I’m tired, I’m not more energized, and as far as being alert, what I really need is a nap? My energy is gone. You know where it went? It went into my workout, that’s where. This issue has perplexed me for a long time. But I think I finally figured it out.
I used to never workout in the mornings, for the reasons I have just stated. When I worked out in the mornings and then went to work, I was tired for the rest of the day. I used to work out at the end of the day. And at the end of the day I was tired and got to go to bed. I didn’t have to worry about having enough juice in the tank to be able to perform well at work. Well now that I have issues and don’t go to work every day, I work out in the mornings. You know, I might as well get it over with as soon as possible. And now that I am going in the mornings I have figured out all the hype about how people who exercise in the mornings are more energized, alert, awake, and have a better outlook on the day. You know how they are doing it? THEY AREN’T WORKING OUT!!! THEY ARE PARTYING!!
I discovered it the other day while I was in spin class. I think I have explained this one before. Spin class is a bunch of people on stationary bikes in one room with an instructor telling you to go faster all the time. Most of the time the music is cranked up really loud, which is good for me because it hides the sound of my heart beating really fast, and keeps down the worry about whether or not the big one is coming. I don’t know about you guys, but it always makes me nervous when I can hear my own heart beating. I also always get a bike down front. Nobody else likes to ride in the front so I get more room and I am also out range of the fans. There are four big fans to keep everyone cool. I don’t understand that one either. I sweat a lot, I mean a lot. When I was growing up, no one wanted to guard me playing basketball because they were afraid of getting slimed. And when the air is blowing from the fans, and I’m soaking wet, I start freezing. Plus why are you working out if you don’t want to sweat in the first place? Anyhow, I sit down front so I don’t freeze and so that no one bothers me. It’s a fairly efficient arrangement.
Before class started the other day, I noticed a lot of chatter, people talking, and laughing, making plans for the upcoming weekend. The instructor, Sharon, started the music, but not too loudly, which is unusual for her because she likes to crank the funk. Sharon doesn’t mess around with a bunch of warmups either. She might call it a warm up, but I call it full speed. She warms up for a minute out of a 60 minute class and then you’re into it. Her theory is you paid for 60 minutes, you get 60 minutes. Sharon is really good. So about 10 minutes into it, I start hearing my heartbeat, and noticing I am about at max heart rate. You notice your max in two ways. The first is you are wearing a heart monitor, and the instrument panel gives you a read out, and the second is there is this pounding in your chest and throat and you feel like you are going to explode. I’m still trying to figure out why I paid for heart monitor. I’m pretty good at knowing when I am about to explode. But what I also noticed was the chatter had not stopped. People were still yakking away like nothing had happened. Sharon was in full force, I was breathing like an asthmatic and there were still 50 minutes to go. She finally cranked the tunes, because I think she was tired of hearing everyone yak, yak, yak also, and the class continued.
When class was over, as usual I fell off my bike and laid on the floor for 10 minutes while these yakkers came up to Sharon, no sweat on them at all, and thanked her for the wonderful class. I’m soaking wet, have drained a 32 oz. water bottle over the course of 60 minutes and would beg someone for a defibrillator hit if I could speak. Wonderful class my fat patootie. Good class, effective class, great workout, yes. But wonderful? Nope. Wonderful is what you save for a fine dinner, a marvelous party, a 2005 Bordeaux, and a good rendition of Beethoven’s 9th. Not the brutality of what that class should be. The indication of a good spin class is how many people are lying on the floor flipping off the instructor once the class is over.
What I am getting at is all these people who say working out energizes them for the rest of the day, AREN’T WORKING OUT!! THEY ARE SOCIALIZING! No wonder they have so much energy. They haven’t used any!!
I took a dyslexic class last week. I’m cured. Either that or when I last fell off my bike in spin class I must have hit my head and jarred something loose.